Look At What You Do To Me
by I-Love-Phan-And-Butts
Summary: Dan is frustrated with his bottled up feelings towards Phil, but the older man's patience and loveliness sets him free! Fluff and just a smidge of angst (no trigger warnings, this is a comfy read!)


**Look at What You Do to Me ~**

**(a/n The italicized words are lyrics from the song that inspired this fic, "Disgusting" by Ke$ha! You don't need to know the song to understand the story, though. Enjoy the pheels! 3)**

_My heart booms at the speed of light,_

_But the exit sign's always in my mind always in my sight. _

_I could say that I really want to stay, _

_But the devil inside always wins the fight always gets his way._

"What kind of tacos should I get? There's so many choices and I don't know what to do." Phil innocently thought out loud. I instantly felt irritated inside a cheerful Mexican restaurant and I don't know why, but it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm too busy bottling up my feelings for him to be polite and accommodating. That makes no sense, but it's true. I love him so much that it pisses me off, _he_ pisses me off.

"Get whatever you feel like," I grumbled. I can't even talk and I don't feel like hearing his voice right now, and feeling my heart beat hard against my ribs when he looks me in the eyes.

"Dan, can I get a milkshake?"

"You're a grown-ass adult, Phil. You get whatever you want. Why did you even ask me? Did you think I was going to say no? Jesus fucking Christ."

Phil raised his eyebrows and went back to reading off the menu. God, even the way he reads off a piece of fucking paper is distracting. My menu may as well be covered in Ancient Greek because I wasn't comprehending a damn thing. With a heavy sigh, he flipped the pages back and looked over everything again.

"Do you want to get a side of guacamole?"

"Go ahead, but I won't have any."

"Why not? You love guac!"

"I'm just not feeling it today, but go ahead its fine."

"Eh, I won't get it. It's too big and I won't finish it."

"If you want it then just get it, Phil. It's not a big deal if you finish it or not."

"Nah, it's okay. Do you want to get a taquito appetizer?"

"No thanks, that would be way too much food."

"Yeah, you're right..." He read down the columnar swiftly once again.

"What appetizer on there is, like, smaller than the toquito one?"

"There's chips and queso, this other salsa one, mini quesadillas, _guacamole_..."

"Phil if you want guacamole so bad then just get it." I am so beyond done.

"I don't want it if you don't want it!"

"PHIL!" My contained irritation was spitting at him like war rockets now. I couldn't control my face, my tone, my anything. His poor decision making was honestly really cute and that's exactly what I hated so much about it.

"What?"

The waitress approached the table with a notepad, ready to ask for our orders.

"If you want the guac, then just order the goddamn mother fucking guac! Goddamn! It's as simple as that!" I was literally fuming, and for the stupidest reasons.

The waitress turned back around. "I'll give you two a little more time to look over the menu!" She scurried off faster than a llama being chased by lions.

"Dan, why are you being so snippy at me lately? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, ugh PHIL it's nothing, okay?" It wasn't nothing. It wasn't okay. I felt trapped within myself whenever I spent time with him, but I couldn't stop. He's like a drug and I keep coming back like hopeless addict. I guess you could call me a user, but I want him to go on and use me too.

_It's disgusting, how I love you. _

_God, I hate it. I could kill you..._

_But I just want to touch your face..._

"It's obviously not fine, Dan," Phil looked genuinely concerned for me and it killed me to see his face contort into that expression, all because of me. "I know you too well. What's going on?"

"I can't tell you," I mumbled, my face resting in my hands, covering my eyes. I could not stand to see Phil seeing me like this. He has this stupid, dumb effect on me that makes me feel so pathetic. Really? I can't even control myself around him? How the hell is that fair?

"You can tell me anything." He is so lovely and charming that I'm about to throw my ice water in his face.

"Stop with that," I spat back. "You don't understand! You'll never understand! Just shut up and eat your stupid fucking guacamole and-" I was cut off by something. A feeling. A desire?

Phil's hand somehow found mine and held it from across the table, soothing and electrifying me at the same time with his touch. My throat was clenching violently, and I felt an ache forcing an uncontrollable pressure to the back of my eyes as I fought back the tears. The tears aren't showing up because I'm overly sad, or overly happy, or anything like that. They're here because its a release, and God knows I've needed a good release.

I let them out, one by one, like children in a single file line exiting a building during a fire drill. Phil kept holding onto me, grazing his hand repeatedly though slowly over the top of my hand, waiting patiently for an explanation.

"Look at what you do to me!" I try to smile and laugh as I take my free hand and wipe my eyes. I could never bullshit myself out of this one.

"I did this? I'm so, so sorry, Dan." Phil looked hurt, checking his mental files for every bad thing he had ever done since we moved in together. Of course, he couldn't find anything that would explain this rush of emotion, all these tears. There's nothing to find. Phil is, and has been, perfect for all the time I've known him.

"No, you're fine, Phil. Don't worry about it. You're okay. You're perfect." I wiped my eyes some more and focused on him holding my hand. Now instead of irritation, I felt a new warmth come over me. I was so angry and cruel to Phil, but he still stuck around and talked me through it. He cares about me so fucking much. I felt, in that moment, so blessed that he was here for me, through anything.

Classically Phil, he tried to make light of the situation. "You know you're a very pretty crier?" He smiled and giggled, making me do the same. All Phil ever wants is for me to smile, I know that much. He better not continue being so sweet or I'll be stuck on him for life.

"Hahah, what does that even mean?" I hate to admit it but I feel better already. I internally thanked Phil for not pressing questions right now.

"Most people make really ugly faces when they cry! I know I do! My face turns all red and it's just ridiculous!" He made the funniest "ugly" face he could make (even though he couldn't look ugly if he tried).

"Yeah, I saw that when we watched Wall-E! You were a wreck!"

"You're right about that much, Dan." He squeezed my hand nonchalantly, as if this is something we would normally do, any day of the week. "It's actually endearing to see you cry, as weird as it sounds. I never get to see it."

"Disgusting is what it is. Pathetic, even."

"No, no. There's nothing negative about letting your feelings out. Just remember you can talk to me about anything, okay? I am always, always here for you. I don't care if you have to knock on my door at 3 AM every day. No questions asked, I'm here for you." Phil's passionate blue eyes locked with mine and more tears came out, the aftermath of his undying loyalty to me. It was all too much to take right then.

Phil suddenly stood up and walked around to the other side of the table, sitting next to me as opposed to across. He put a comforting, strong arm about me and held me closer to him, keeping me stable both physically and mentally, so I could break down farther into his shirt. How did God make such a lovely man?

"It's okay, Dan." I wrapped my arms around him in response to his warmth. If felt nice holding him like this. Like it was meant to be, somehow this felt significant.

"Thank you," I whispered into his neck with all the volume I could muster. He kept stroking my hair and my back, holding me close like his prized possession. I could have just fallen asleep right then and there, I felt so peaceful.

"I love you, Dan. I love you so much." Phil kissed the top of my head as he held me. I just about sprung up as I processed his confession. What did he just say?

"What did... What?"

The waitress strolled past us again and sensed that she shouldn't interrupt us now either. She just kept walking. Smart.

"I love you, Dan." His piercing blue eyes entered my soul effortlessly. "You're the most important person to me in this whole world and I can't stand seeing you so upset. And I'm so sorry for saying it now oh bloody hell..!" Phil took his own face in his hands, exasperated at what he had just done. "I'm so so so sorry for saying that now. Wrong time, very wrong time. I'm so stupid I can't just say stuff like that when you're all upset and vulnerable OH GOD it looks like I'm taking advantage of your current state doesn't it?!"

I started laughing. Uncontrollable, chest-aching laughing. I couldn't help it, Phil was so cute, all flabbergasted and running through his entire, wacky train of thought right here at the table. The confused look on his face right then made it so undeniably clear that he is the only one for me.

Before he became too worried I wrapped my arms around him again. "Oh my God, Phil, I love you so fucking much. You're so funny I just," I started laughing again. "You're so cute and it's just really hard to be around you sometimes. You're so lovely, Phil."

Phil blinked back a few times and then just smiled. The mutual understanding hung around us like a sweet fragrance. My bottle was finally open, releasing the pressure and anxiety that used to build up within me and weighed me down was replaced by cool, light air. I knew what I wanted, what I needed, rather, to do.

I put both my hands on the back of Phil's neck, tangling with his jet black hair, and kissed him gently yet passionately on the lips. Everything felt perfect, balanced, like Goldilocks's third bowl of porridge. This kiss was just right, just what we needed.

"You're wonderful," Phil said after the kiss. Funny, he's the one that blew my mind.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch lately."

"Don't apologize. You're not a bitch, and even if you were I wouldn't mind." He really does have the patience of an angel.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

The meal at the Mexican restaurant became our first date, and eventually, we didn't scare the waitress away. We shared a night full of smiling and laughing and kissing, and getting to know the romantic sides of each other we hadn't discovered before. It's funny how one little change, one little confession opened so many doors for us.

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! :) Big thanks to Dan and Phil for being really cute, and to the people who review my work regularly! I appreciate it so much, and you warm my heart~**


End file.
